Janie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rowanberry) wrote2018-12-31 11:52 am
rowanberry) wrote2018-12-31 11:52 am
Entry tags:
Farewell to 2018
Here's that old fashioned LJ end-of-year meme! I'd missed doing this every year. Some of the questions seem very outdated now, but then I first did this thing fifteen years ago, so I don't know what else I expected.
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
Wow, this - this question is a lot harder than it was when I was a youth... let's see... I spent 6 hours stuck at an airport without going mad?
2. Did you keep your new years'resolutions intentions and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to listen more, be more open to love, think critically but speak kindly, and tune into my body whenever possible. I think I've managed to live as I intended for the majority of the year and I'm proud of that. Also, those are good intentions, well done past me! I'll keep them for the new year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year, but my sister-in-law is expecting again, hooray!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle. Also we interred my Nan's ashes, and scattered my uncles alongside my aunt's, so even though they died at the end of 2017 it was a pretty intense reminder of family loss in the last year.
5. What countries did you visit?
Germany and Austria, passing through France and Belgium on the train at one point too.
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A job which I like and can sustain. A solution to my chronic pain.
7. Which date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Numbers aren't really my thing :D Good months though were June, July, August and September. As usual.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Coming off my anti-depressant medication after three years (five if you include the break I tried in 2014), going through the withdrawal and coming out the other side. Giving a paper (by invitation) to the Jane Austen Society and getting complimented on it by a leading Austen expert! That was nice.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not finding a good job, I suppose.
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Endometriosis means I'm suffering more days than I'm not, but the really bad bedridden ones clock up to less than a month this year. Also, it's being investigated again, so that's something. Other than that - a couple of colds, acute systemic tendonitis in the spring, one throat infection this winter. Not so bad.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a car yesterday! Hopefully that will be a great thing, once I learn to drive her without help. The Numinous Tarot has become a favourite deck very quickly.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My bestie, my mama, my partner, my cat, and my nephew.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Politicians, I suppose.
14. Where did most of your money go?
General cost of living - bus fares come up tops. They're obscene round these parts.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Bat Out of Hell in London! Seeing the Lippizaner horses in Vienna! Getting to be an auntie again next year! Times I got to spend with my bestie! Having a proper summer in the UK! Old books! Seeing Grace Petrie live!
16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
It's All Coming Back to me Now - Meat Loaf and Marion Raven.
Emily Davison Blues - Grace Petrie.
Hammer and Nail - Indigo Girls.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier x a hundred.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. I wrote very, very little in 2018. Hopefully 2019 will be more fruitful.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying.
20. How did you be spend Christmas?
At home with my parents, being unwell. Heigh-ho.
#21 is strangely missing...
How very rude of it. Very bad form, Question 21.
22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
Yes ♥
23. How many one-night stands?
None!
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
I enjoyed Detectorists on Netflix, and the first part of the BBC Les Mis last night was excellent.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Really, who has the energy for hate these days.
26. What were the best new books you read?
Amberlough - Lara Elena Donnelly; the Shades of Magic and Villains series - V. E. Schwab; Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik; The Bedlam Stacks - Natasha Pulley; the Winternight series - Katherine Arden.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Volbeat's Outlaw Gentlemen and Shady Ladies album; Beecake; Johnny Flynn.
28. What did you want and get?
A partner.
29. What did you want and not get?
My own place to live, a good job. To get back to horse riding.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Bohemian Rhapsody, all my teenage needs coming true on the big screen ♥
Love, Simon, Call Me By Your Name, Mamma Mia 2 and Ocean's 8 all made me very happy in different ways, too.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 34! On my actual birthday I... don't think I did anything very much as that was when I had the acute systemic tendonitis. A few days before though I went on a late night trip to the beach to eat chips, and a few days after my workmates had organised a bowling trip.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
You know what, it was pretty good and I can't think of anything to say here. Well done 2018.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Loose and comfortable.
34. What kept you sane?
My bestie, my partner, my cat, my mama, my books and my tarot cards. Also the big wide natural fenland out there with all its sky.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Not really my style, sorry.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. All of them. Ugh. When is the revolution.
37. Who did you miss?
My bestie, of course. Germany is too far sometimes.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I'm not sure I met anyone new.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:
Not to make demons from shadows.
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
Wow, this - this question is a lot harder than it was when I was a youth... let's see... I spent 6 hours stuck at an airport without going mad?
2. Did you keep your new years'
I wanted to listen more, be more open to love, think critically but speak kindly, and tune into my body whenever possible. I think I've managed to live as I intended for the majority of the year and I'm proud of that. Also, those are good intentions, well done past me! I'll keep them for the new year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year, but my sister-in-law is expecting again, hooray!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle. Also we interred my Nan's ashes, and scattered my uncles alongside my aunt's, so even though they died at the end of 2017 it was a pretty intense reminder of family loss in the last year.
5. What countries did you visit?
Germany and Austria, passing through France and Belgium on the train at one point too.
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A job which I like and can sustain. A solution to my chronic pain.
7. Which date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Numbers aren't really my thing :D Good months though were June, July, August and September. As usual.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Coming off my anti-depressant medication after three years (five if you include the break I tried in 2014), going through the withdrawal and coming out the other side. Giving a paper (by invitation) to the Jane Austen Society and getting complimented on it by a leading Austen expert! That was nice.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not finding a good job, I suppose.
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Endometriosis means I'm suffering more days than I'm not, but the really bad bedridden ones clock up to less than a month this year. Also, it's being investigated again, so that's something. Other than that - a couple of colds, acute systemic tendonitis in the spring, one throat infection this winter. Not so bad.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a car yesterday! Hopefully that will be a great thing, once I learn to drive her without help. The Numinous Tarot has become a favourite deck very quickly.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My bestie, my mama, my partner, my cat, and my nephew.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Politicians, I suppose.
14. Where did most of your money go?
General cost of living - bus fares come up tops. They're obscene round these parts.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Bat Out of Hell in London! Seeing the Lippizaner horses in Vienna! Getting to be an auntie again next year! Times I got to spend with my bestie! Having a proper summer in the UK! Old books! Seeing Grace Petrie live!
16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
It's All Coming Back to me Now - Meat Loaf and Marion Raven.
Emily Davison Blues - Grace Petrie.
Hammer and Nail - Indigo Girls.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier x a hundred.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. I wrote very, very little in 2018. Hopefully 2019 will be more fruitful.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying.
20. How did you be spend Christmas?
At home with my parents, being unwell. Heigh-ho.
#21 is strangely missing...
How very rude of it. Very bad form, Question 21.
22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
Yes ♥
23. How many one-night stands?
None!
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
I enjoyed Detectorists on Netflix, and the first part of the BBC Les Mis last night was excellent.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Really, who has the energy for hate these days.
26. What were the best new books you read?
Amberlough - Lara Elena Donnelly; the Shades of Magic and Villains series - V. E. Schwab; Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik; The Bedlam Stacks - Natasha Pulley; the Winternight series - Katherine Arden.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Volbeat's Outlaw Gentlemen and Shady Ladies album; Beecake; Johnny Flynn.
28. What did you want and get?
A partner.
29. What did you want and not get?
My own place to live, a good job. To get back to horse riding.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Bohemian Rhapsody, all my teenage needs coming true on the big screen ♥
Love, Simon, Call Me By Your Name, Mamma Mia 2 and Ocean's 8 all made me very happy in different ways, too.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 34! On my actual birthday I... don't think I did anything very much as that was when I had the acute systemic tendonitis. A few days before though I went on a late night trip to the beach to eat chips, and a few days after my workmates had organised a bowling trip.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
You know what, it was pretty good and I can't think of anything to say here. Well done 2018.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Loose and comfortable.
34. What kept you sane?
My bestie, my partner, my cat, my mama, my books and my tarot cards. Also the big wide natural fenland out there with all its sky.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Not really my style, sorry.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. All of them. Ugh. When is the revolution.
37. Who did you miss?
My bestie, of course. Germany is too far sometimes.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I'm not sure I met anyone new.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:
Not to make demons from shadows.
no subject
I need to do this myself (only it's a lot longer than three years, for me) - I would welcome any advice you might have!
Not to make demons from shadows.
♥ ♥
Nice to meet you!
no subject
A lot of it was an adjustment thing, just realising that I will feel things more intensely when I'm not taking the medicine - but that's fine as long as it's not overwhelming. At first it's too easy to say "oh well I cried for half a day so obviously I need to still be taking the drugs and shouldn't have come off them at all" - but actually that was just half a day, you know? I was fine, I just had a bad day and cried a lot. I didn't wake up the next day still crying about it.
I always think of it as a re-learning process, now - I had to relearn (am still relearning) how to feel things without the shock absorber of anti-depressants. It definitely feels weird to begin with that everything is so much bigger!
Advice wise, I would say: take it slowly - as slowly as you can and then maybe a bit slower than that :) Don't be frightened when feelings start to come back more vibrantly - sit with them a while, have a chat with them, feel them out a bit. Keep doctors informed, and if it helps you then make use of a psychiatrist/therapist/counsellor during the process - I didn't find I needed one but I knew where I could go for that sort of help if I did at any point. I also made sure the people I spend a lot of time around knew what was going on so they could look out for me - I trust my mum, my best friend, and some of the girls I worked with to tell me if they were worried about my moods or behaviour any time. Support networks are important!
One more thing - I found it really helpful to think of it as a trial and error process, a bit like finding the right medication was in the first place. I reminded myself regularly that I might not be completely stopping the medicine, I might just be cutting it down - or I might be stopping it for summer and starting a trickle dose again in winter when I always feel worse. Even now, I know that I may have to take it again in the future, and that's ok. It's really nice to be free of it at the moment and I'm proud of myself for getting here, but it wouldn't be a failure or a disaster if I hadn't done, or if I go back to it anytime.
I hope some of that was helpful! And good luck with yours - if you want to talk about it anymore or during the process then I am always happy to have discussions (or hear rants about side effects haha). We always hear about how hard it is to get prescription medicine right and the side effects of taking it or going cold-turkey but never how hard it is to stop sensibly or the side effects of that!